Smokey Smurf's the Web

Okay, I'm sitting here and my sister calls.

"Are you by the computer?" I take off running...

"I am now."

So...I sit here and laugh my ass off wishing I knew the language in which this is posted.

Smurf Sex!

This is a little bit too vivid but, still funny...I couldn't let my little sister out do me!

LOL....so sense this is a day of "sex talk"...let's read about Smurf Sex.

Politically Fucking Correct!

Okay, first-it's the week of Christmas and Blues Clues is showing a holiday special. So, what's wrong with that you say? I'll tell you. It's the wrong freakin' holiday special!

Second-I don't know why they felt the need to change the name of the holiday. Instead of calling it Valentines Day (which it is ...And this is the Christmas season with Christmas cards and not Valentine Cards) they decided to rename it "Love Day."
Love day?!
Okay, so lets forget all the people who died for following their heart and marrying in secret and defile such a wonderful holiday as Valentines Day by changing the freakin' name!

Third-when they had done the Christmas Special which aired a few weeks ago, they renamed that too! They called something like like Merry Holiday or something stupid like that.

I am going to write a long letter to Nickolodian (sp?) and let them know that if they continue to be so damned politically correct that my children will no longer be watching the show. It already sucks since they took Steve off and now added a puppet version of Blue that can talk. Which is stupid...Doesn't that defeat the purpose of Blues Clues?

I'm not teaching my kids to call people by politically correct names...That's stereotyping! I'm an American who is white, my "X" (Tishomingo) is an American who is Indian [feather not dot], and my "X" before him is an American who is black. Some black Americans aren't from Africa--so are they South-American-Americans? And Latin, Americans?...Please!...We're all just freakin' Americans.

I'm not going to get pissed off if somebody says happy Hanukkah to me and I'm not Jewish. So other people shouldn't get pissed off if I say Merry Christmas to them and they aren't Christians. If they're against it then they don't have to get a freakin' present!

Fourth-My husband is a bastard! He just called to let me know my presents were in.
"No they aren't." I said.
"Yes they are. Do you really think I would send them to our house so you could peek?"
...Need I say more.

I have to brag on my little sister here.

Thank you Smokey Smurf!

I absolutely hold my presents dear.

The best presents I could ever hope to smurf!

Okay, enough with that...LOL!

So my little sista!..

What the H-E-"double hockey sticks," was all of the cuddling about yesterday?

You know what I'm talking about too.

...Our oldest brother...uhm, we'll call him "Pork-ass."

Yeah, I like it!

Anyway, what the f*%$#@ was up with him and the unfaithful "B" sitting on the love seat all but making out?

I thought a divorce meant that they weren't having hanky-panky...uhm, at least with each other, that is.

LOL, but I've been wrong before.

If Pork-ass takes the unfaithful "B" back then he's stupider than I had originally thought.

What do ya think?

Stupid Tests!

Why is it that professors never give you the review that you need for a test?

If they tell us that they are going to give us a review then they should give us some good points in which to study, right? Especially when it's over several HUGE chapters!

I'm going to teach college one day...Mark my words...And I'm going to give them the proper review they will be needing!

Illness

I FUCKING HATE BEING SICK!
I came home from class last night and after forcing enough energy in me to help tuck my children into bed, I curled up in a ball on the couch and went comatose. I was hot and cold at the same time. I hate that. I felt yucky, as I had not taken a shower the night before nor did I have time yesterday to do so but, I lacked the energy to force myself into a shower. My skin crawled and even my hair hurt. I had been taking Sudaphed all damn day and it wasn't doing a damn thing. I felt like I needed to hoc-a-loogy but lacked the loogy to do so.
My poor husband, fearing I had the plague or something close in nature, dragged my ass into the shower. I will say the shower helped but, I was still unable to feel better until I downed like 6 Alieve. And when sleep came to me last night, I did, indeed, sleep like the dead. I still feel yucky today but, I don't think I'm near death anymore. Probably because I am now able to hoc-a-loogy on demand and big enough to put any man to shame.
It's a good thing because I have two tests to take online today. That's the biggest bitch I have today. I hate having to do a lot of crap when I'm sick. I wish I could just lock the kids up in a padded cage with a time released feeding mechanism and sleep all day. Alas, no one has come up with a design that is DHS friendly. LOL
Oh, well...I'll suck it up and do what needs to be done. I just don't have time to be sick. Next week I have the rest of my finals due and one last paper due. I also have mandatory volunteering to do for one class that has to be done on Sunday and on Thursday and finished up on next Sunday. This had just better be a 24hr cold thing!

Hamster's Huh...

'Round here it's those damn frogs. They go trumpetting around the house and leave an air of green stink lingering behind. The biggest problem is that when you look for those little critters...They're never around to be seen. So is the mistery of the stinky frogs...Apparently, this is a tradition started with my husband and the invisible elephants that ran amuck at his house growing up. Thank God, it's only frogs at our house. And believe me, these little fuckers have woken me up a time or two. (Makes me long for a "Dutch Oven"...good times, good times...)

joke...

Why did the snow man have a smile on his face?

Road Rage

It never fails. Anytime and everytime I get in the car and have to drive somewhere, some dumb-ass has to pull right infront of me. It doesn't matter that there is no one for miles behind me or the fact that there are two lanes and they could choose to pick the slow lane. Then to add insult to injury, the slow down! What the F&*)*#@! It's called the fast lane for a reason!

So then, I signal (because, my dear husband, you're supposed to) and enter the slow lane and pass the idiot. In doing this, it must have pissed him off because, he flips me off. I'm like, bastard, don't make me...Well, I don't guess I can really do anything. Although, visions of his ass hanging by an anal hook from a bungy cord brought a smile to my face.

I think they should check for breading and evidence of an IQ before they give out a driver's license.

First Bitch...

People who ever answer the phone when you call them...Aren't they annoying as hell. You have to wait for them to get around to calling you back. God, that's crap!

LOL...I just thought I'd razz you a little bit, Smokey.

...Explanation

This blog is being started for my sister, Smokey Smurf, and I. It will be a joint collection of things we deem important enough to bitch about. Feel free to bitch with us.